The Profiteer Dragoon

My entry for the Barbara Bauer Red Letter Writing Contest. My husband wanted to know if IILAA stood for International IlLegitimate Agents Association. I edited the midi myself, playing it repeatedly and very loudly to hear it over the cleaning lady's vacuum.

The things we do for our art. Enjoy.



Music, Maestro!****

Miss Snark's a profiteer dragoon
aiming from her ivory tower
taking potshots at buffoons
across their lily-livered bowers.

She's a branch of
Homeland Security
And stands by her puns all day.
When the bullsh*t gets high,
She can multiply
until she's rivals the CIA.

(or the NSA, or the DEA
the PTA, even the GSA
that's how she scuttled the IILAA
that's how she scuttled the IILAA)

Miss Snark's parlor is festooned
with the heads of jerks who chafe her
she has a Googlebomb of Doom
and a cabal on retainer.

She can crisp scam
agents who charge fees
using her scum GPA
She ferrets out lies
in this enterprise
combining Strauss waltzes with Bombay.

-short caesura-

Miss Snark's a profiteer dragoon
with integrity unencumbered
sometimes she is a whole platoon
come and join her lovely numbers.

*Wink, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, nudge, nudge, nudge*
*Wink, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, nudge, nudge, nudge*
*Wink, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper*
*nudge, nudge, nudge*
*NUDGE, NUDGE.*

Now we're all profiteer dragoons
And together we trowel Bauers.

(Exeunt)

****With deepest apologies to Mssrs. Gilbert and Sullivan